top of page

Engaged and Terrified (Slightly Terrified)

Yes, you read that right. Engaged and terrified. So why did I say, “Of Course I’ll marry you”? the answer is because I love this man. It is crazy how much love you can have for someone that was once a total stranger. I love this man and he is such a blessing from God. So why am I terrified? I have a reverence, respect, a high view of marriage that my generation needs to take seriously again. Marriage is so much more than the lovey dovey happily ever after, especially from the Christian worldview. I plan to live my marriage according to God’s Word and will.

The terrified part comes from my reverence and the fact I don’t adapt to change very well. Its no longer just my dad and I and the way I live my life now. My life is with this man who adores me and my family who promised my mom upon her passing that he would take care of us. I have the privilege and responsibility to be the wife of this God-fearing man.

This my friends is a privilege and responsibility I take seriously and can only do well by God’s grace. I’m human, my flesh will fail me and vice versa – thank God for His grace. I am praying that God will equip me to be the partner this man needs by his side forever. Yes. Forever. I’m in this for life y’all. There needs to be a greater reverence for the marriage covenant. I am making a lifelong covenant before God, my husband, and our loved ones. This very aspect of marriage should instill reverence within us. Allow me to elaborate on my emphasis on covenant marriage.

There’s covenant commitment and then there is contract commitment. A contract commitment-based marriage will begin to crumble when one person feels they aren’t getting what they want from the marriage. A contract marriage is quite selfish, but our flesh is so easily tempted to live by contract. Covenant love is the very love God displays towards His children. We fail Him daily, but He also loves and forgives us daily. I’m so thankful for his mercy. Covenant marriage is based upon a permanent commitment, love, and forgiveness while seeking to benefit the other person based on the foundation of unconditional promises.[1] A contract marriage is built upon a limited amount of time, concerns certain actions, based on personal desire, and built in an “if, then” mentality.[2] I desire to love as God loves. I plan on loving my spouse the way God loves me – with grace and mercy that renews each morning.

There may be like two excuses barely justified as biblical grounds for divorce but as a wife led by God, as a couple led by God, we will cultivate a foundation built on covenant love where the enemy won’t be able to sneak in and use those digressions. (I am declaring this now by the blood of Jesus, amen.) We’re going to be a powerful force to be reckoned with. I’m really excited for what we will do for God’s kingdom. I’m excited because I know God will do great things through us because we have already been carried through so much. Yes, still a bit terrified because that means Satan is going to try hard to stop us. But you know what, my love for God and my man out rules the terrified feeling. I would rather do life with God and my man than without.

Cage, I am praying that God will enable me to be the wife you need by your side for the rest of our lives. I love you, Jaula.

[1] Rochelle Cade. “Covenant Marriage.” The Family Journal 18, no. 3 (July 2010): 230–33. doi:10.1177/1066480710372072. P. 231, emphasis added.

[2] IBID


As I have stated I have a reverential view on marriage thus as a research topic last semester I chose marriage. The link below should lead you to my document.

The link below takes you to a link where you will see a book I utilized for the research paper and plan on reading on my free time from my school reading.



bottom of page